It would figure that as soon as I put all of my sites on a regular update schedule, I would do really well at keeping them all updated regularly…except for my own. The way the schedule works is that I try to take the weekend off or use it for new blogstorming or big writing projects, and that on Fridays I try to get a little personal writing in, either here or over at Aeria Gloris, but it’s been a little difficult. Talking about myself has always been hard, even if I think people are listening.
But the best way to hone my writing skills is to do just that – keep writing, and keep reading, as much as I can. I’m slowly starting to wonder if my writing and my day-job are incompatible; I know that some of my mentors have said that you don’t have to sacrifice your day job – especially if it makes you comfortable – to do the things you love, you just have to be better at time management. Maybe that’s what I have to do – get better at managing my time, and stop taking advantage of the luxury that I’m generally efficient at the day job enough to multitask on a number of things during the day. While my coworkers sit in their cubes and play video games away from the prying eyes of management, I have to be careful I’m not caught glancing at something that isn’t plastered with our corporate logo. I suppose I really shouldn’t be surprised, all things considered.
Time management. It’s been all over my mind lately. I keep wondering how people like Gary Vaynerchuk and David Pogue manage to get it all in. Part of it is that they’re privileged enough to do what they love all the time and then focus on the other things they also have passion for outside of those things; and it’s very true: if you lead a life where you do something you’re passionate about when you wake up in the morning and keep feeling it until you go to bed, that’s a hell of a life. Now then, I’m faced with the fundamental question: am I just not doing something I’m passionate about, or is finding passion for what I’m doing a state of mind that I can change? Can I find passion for what I’m doing, or do I need to find something for which I have passion?
I don’t really know the answer – every time I try to change my mindset about what I’m doing day to day it’s been extraordinarily difficult, but sometimes I don’t think I’m going about it the right way, that maybe there’s something else or different I should be doing and it would all clear up. It’s a question I’ve wrestled with for years and years now – every so often it comes to a head like it is now.
Part of it is that I just finished a freelancing gig for PopSci (when it’s published I’ll let everyone know!) and that’s another notch in my resume for the things I’m passionate about. Maybe I should just keep looking for those things – that was always the original plan: keep looking for those gigs until I can make a living off of them. I’m not sure if I just need to refocus on that plan, or whether I just need a reality check against where I am now and how to get there.
In any event, I’m circling the drain here – maybe I just need to do something. And I don’t mean something drastic, like pack up and move away or move somewhere I want to be: that would be too easy, I’d wind up running from the problem. I need to think, and talk this out – otherwise it’s just going to keep getting me down. I feel like I’m this close to having it figured out, but like most things, it’s getting from here to there that’s the problem, isn’t it?