My, it’s been a long time. That’s unfortunate, but like I often say, I don’t want to get bogged down in blogging about blogging, so let’s move on, shall we?
When you’re confronted with a situation you’re hard pressed to deal with, I think the biggest challenge is how to manage your feelings about the situation. I’m not talking about how you approach the issue in terms of action: usually that’s something that’s all laid out for you already. Either you can do something or not, and those options are usually laid out in front of you and it’s up to you to pick the best one. That in itself can be difficult, but it pales in comparison to controlling how you feel about it.
I bring this up because the weather is starting to turn cold again, and with it my melancholy is inching back – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing – but it does make me take notice of my own behavior. I feel like I’m in a creative slump, even though I feel like I’m on the cusp of being more creative (seasons changing always does this to me), I feel more sensitive to the perceptions and opinions of the people around me even though I know better than to be. I’m worried I’ve made mistakes that I can’t take back, even though those “mistakes” have made me immensely happy. I’m a little on the depressed side.
And yet, what to do about it escapes me. I have these glimmering moments of clarity – the ones I always enjoy so much – where watching the steam rise off of a hot cup of tea makes me inspired in ways nothing else could, or watching an ice cube slowly melt into a finger of scotch makes me feel creative like no brainstorming session or roundtable ever would. The key, of course, is to make those moments the norm, and the doubt the exception to the rule. Maybe I just need more music.
Fall is coming. It’s my favorite season, if for no other reason than the chill temperatures, the opportunity to put on sleeves again or sport hoodies around town (although clearly I have to be careful doing such a thing, apparently), and the changing colors and smells in the air. The year will come to a close soon, and I’ll be confronted with the first anniversary of my mother’s passing. It’s a complicated topic – one I’m not even entirely sure I’ve addressed completely, but I don’t know if there’s much need to. We keep walking because we have to, we keep breathing because we can, and we should live as much as we can in the time that we have.
I’ll admit, I’ve had an odd obsession with mortality since my mother’s passing, but I at least hope I’ve managed to temper it into something that will make me appreciate my time more than live in perpetual fear of the day I’ll eventually be lowered into the ground. Now then, off of morbid topics, eh?
I’ve been meaning to make more time for myself lately. I love my work at Lifehacker, but I find it’s entirely too easy to catch myself working from sunup to sundown when I work from home, doing little other than waking, working, napping if I can, working some more, tidying up and cleaning the house, doing chores, eating, and then sleeping to do it over again. My colleagues seem a bit more adept at fiercely defending their personal time than I am – an issue I faced when I was working at my previous jobs as well – I kept wondering where my coworkers found time to do things like go out for cocktails or exercise regularly when there was so much work to be done.
And yet, here I am, writing about productivity and motivation and organization on a daily basis, and how important it is to go home from work and leave work at work, and how important it is to have work/life balance, and how great it is to be organized, and I have yet to apply many of those principles to my own life. Some of it is because I do what I love, but a lot of it is because it’s just really damned hard to do, really damned easy to read about, and not that hard to write about either. When I crack that nut though, I’ll have a hell of a feature to write.
If anyone has any insight on that one, let me know.
Maybe I need to do some traveling again.
I tend not to, aside from visiting my father on a regular basis, but those days in New York City, Las Vegas, and San Francisco were some of the most inspiring and creative I’ve had. I need to find a way to make those things happen again, one way or the other. Ever since I was a child, visiting new places and seeing new things have been immensely magical for me – my years living in Europe shaped me in that regard, I suppose.
Maybe Europe. See some of the things I saw as a child. I should add that to the list, I think. Winter’s usually a good time to travel, as long as it’s not over the peak holiday times. Then again, there’s always cruises, trains, and cars for more nearby destinations.
I’m awfully introspective for someone who really is by all accounts relatively happy. I mean, I’ve made a point to start exercising again like I did back in the day, I’m eating better, taking care of myself, and I have a great job and a wonderful living situation. Perhaps it’s a matter of melancholy happiness, if that’s not an oxymoron. Maybe I’m just having a hard time letting myself be really happy. Hell, maybe I just need an ice cream.
In any event, it’s time to pay more attention to my pet projects and personal needs. I think I can make the time it. Besides, I do owe it to myself.