I’ve been in love with Toradora! for way longer than I’ve been able to see it. I think I found out about it about two years ago, and I’ve been wanting to see it ever since. It popped up on Hulu a couple of weeks ago, and we’ve been watching it ever since. We finished it last night, and suffice to say, it’s pretty moving. I mean, sure, it’s a high school slice of life anime like many others, complete with very typical characters, but it does a great job of exploring the complexities of love and the hard choices that come with it. It cut a little deep personally, but I think part of it is that I have so much history with this story, so take that with a grain of salt. I hear the manga is still running in Japan. I might have to give it a shot, if for no other reason than that the story doesn’t have to end yet.
Today was fairly busy – we got up relatively early and headed out to our local farmer’s market to pick up a few things, then over to District Taco for lunch. I freaking love that place. We filled up the tanks, and then headed over to the newly opened Union Market in DC to check out the sights and sounds. A lot of the vendors have yet to move in, but the atmosphere is still really nice already, the place is nice and open and airy, and the food looks delicious. We picked up some freshly baked bread and makings for dinner tonight, and the Peregrine Espresso stand was a sight to behold. Tons of long-necked kettles, pour-over coffee stands, and one stunning mocha, made just for me. I think it helped that I was wearing my Refill Required t-shirt. Still, gentleman making the brews was incredibly nice, and waved to us long after we’d finished our coffees, browsed a bit more, and left the market. Suffice to say we’ll be back.
Tonight though, it’s all about the spoils from the market before heading off to bed, and hopefully looking forward to another day of adventure tomorrow. We’ll see, though.
The past few days Raevyn’s been getting up really early for training at her new job, which has kind of put me off for a bit admittedly – it’s thrown off my exercise schedule a little, and while I don’t think my writing has really been affected, it’s definitely taken a little getting used to. I feel more like a stereotypical blogger, working in my pajamas and cleaning up whenever I get the chance, instead of having the kind of tried and true “going to work” ritual I had when I was the first one to get out of bed. I suppose that’s the trouble with working from home. Still don’t think I’d trade it.
Earlier today Raevyn and I were talking some things over – mostly about how hard it’s been for me the past year or so, even without me really knowing or understanding it. Even before my mother passed away, things were getting harder-for a number of reasons, not just my mother’s passing-but while I’ve tried to take them all on the chin, I’m coming to see the cracks in my armor for what they are. The immediate danger has mostly passed, so it’s difficult to ignore them anymore and just keep pressing on. I’m starting to see the damage, I’m starting to feel it, and the worst part of it all is that I’m not entirely sure what to do about it.
It’s one thing to just say “sheesh, I need a vacation,” but taking time off to recoup and recover only works if you’re actually recharging during that time. If you’re not recharging, not taking care of yourself, and just brooding and feeling worn down and weary the whole time, it hasn’t done you much good, has it? I don’t have answers honestly – I don’t know what I should do – but I know I really have to do something. I’m the type of person that knows how important it is to live now, how essential it is to live right now, in this moment, and yet I can’t keep my mind off of how things aren’t what I want them to be, which is healthy enough in small doses, but when it takes over like it has, it’s a constant distraction from the present. It’s getting to me.
It’s pretty rough all around. I look around and see things I want to change but don’t have the energy or the power or the expertise to handle on my own, and I see problems that I know have solutions but I can’t figure out what they are. I feel like I need to be more creative, more inspired, more active, and yet I don’t feel like there are hours in the day to do what I need to do to get there. A lot of it is taking a step at a time, making lists, and so on, but I’ve been writing at Lifehacker long enough to know that making a to-do list to get you where you want to go is a great step, but it’s just that – and it doesn’t get the job done. If you spend all day making to-do lists, the sun will set and you won’t have really gotten anywhere.
Venting, I think. Like I said, I don’t have answers, just tons of questions.
That said, I have little to complain about, and I’m aware of that. It doesn’t make any of this weigh less heavily on my mind when I wake and before I sleep.
Maybe I do just need a vacation.