Saturday 13 March 2001 // 1951 EST

Seeing: Counterstrike on my monitor

Hearing: Placebo -- Slackerbitch

Touching: The snooze button on my alarm clock

Tasting: Pizza night at the Dining Hall

Thinking:
Ultra3 is actually happening, I don't believe it...now all I need is to hear back from the promoters, and this could really be the experience of my life...I mean, Art's got his camera all ready to go and so do I, I've got the questions I want to ask, all I need is the appropriate recording medium..things are coming together, and we have a place to stay and we have a plan to get down there and everything, we've just got to make it happen...we'll get there though, and we'll have a good time and all, don't you worry about that....heh...everything is coming together nicely. I just have to be sure of everything....just..be..sure. Anyway, the lineup is sick like I said it was going to be, and everything is falling together...just like I need it to. THis vacation will be so wonderful for me, I really need to get away for a while, everything up here has been getting to me so badly lately that it's been difficult to focus on anything but sleeping...I love to sleep, don't get me wrong, but I hate that guilty feeling you get when you wake up that you haven't done anything worthwhile...but actually doing something requires effort....and I don't really feel like exerting the effort.

"Can you imagine how many freaks and wierdos go to the flea market in Dundalk? Women in yellow striped spandex and guys selling confederate flags telling you to show your colors if you buy one..I dunno if it's the flea market or that it was in Dundalk, but this particular one was just scary.." --Kim Scarff

Yeah, that's my quote of the day. I think the past few weeks I've encountered more racists and rednecks than I really care to....it's strange. I haven't seen a lot of it until recently, maybe it's because I didn't really want to...I'm seeing it in professors, in general people, in the way they look at me and the way they treat me when I'm around my friends....maybe it's because my first girlfriend's parents are flying a confederate flag outside their back porch, and now I'm pretty much convinced that the reason she told me not to call anymore or that it wasn't a good idea that we see each other anymore was because her parents were getting wind that she was seeing a black guy...It's been rough lately, realizing exactly how differently I get treated...and me, being the hypersensitive person I am I think that it has something to do with me, with my personality...and then when I realize what it is really, I keep telling myself that I can prove how good I am, prove that I don't need a handout or special attention, and then I do badly and I don't understand why...this is why Physics is getting to me.

But it'll be all over soon. It won't be too long. So I wind up sleeping and not going to class...I didn't go to class monday, I didnt go to class today...we'll see if i make it to class tomorrow...I don't like my classes anymore, I don't want to go...I'd rather just sit and sleep or play video games, but not because I'm lazy, but because I always wind up feeling like a worse person for going to class than a better one...I always feel more stressed for going to class, I always feel more depressed when I go to class than when I don't...I need to graduate.

And then there are women...whoa. I'll save that for Osirus maybe. I should probably do some homework or something. Something productive. Maybe all of this will pass...maybe I just need break. I hope it passes...