i am the ballot in your box, the bullet in your gun

Posted on Sunday 9 May 2010

sense :: taste // salted cucumber
windy wings

It’s been a pretty busy week, but not in the ways I would have liked. I was hoping that I would have a little more time to myself and to do some of the things I prefer doing, but I’ve had a really hard time leaving work at a decent time lately. I feel like a lot of my personal time has been slipping away, but I know I have control over it to a large extent, so I can’t complain entirely too much.

I’ve been pleasantly busy personally, and I’ve actually managed to log in to World of Warcraft for a change, but mostly to finish the last series of holiday achievements required for the special shiny Violet Proto-drake that comes for doing all of the holiday events. EVen though I’ve managed to log in a little this past week, I don’t know if I’ll be able to ramp back up to the way I used to play, but if I continue to have the occasional day at the office that’s not chock full of meetings, I just might. Here’s hoping.

Speaking of work, I still think I need to take some vacation. The massive project that I was working on has disengaged to some degree, but the pressure is still high to some extent. Like I’ve mentioned over at Twitter, the kind of project management I do is like doing a delicate interpretive dance…in a hail of bullets. Most of them have nothing to do with projects you’re working on, and everything to do with what other people think you should be responsible for – mostly so they don’t have to be responsible for it and can just call you instead. It’s probably the most irritating part of my job. The worst thing about it is if I took a similar role at some of the other companies that I know of, it’d be less organized and more of the things I hate, if you know what I mean.

Part of me is very eager to start pouring some energy into finding more freelancing gigs to make that my full time gig, but then the other part of me really likes the arrangement I have now and thinks I really haven’t made the best of it yet – I think that as much as I want more freelancing work, I think there’s more to what I’m up to these days – getting my finances in order, putting myself in a position where I’d be more comfortable doing more freelance work, managing my time so I didn’t feel awful not staying at my desk until after 7pm every night, and so on.

When I get there, when I get to the point where I can comfortably leave at 6 or 630 regularly, go home, exercise regularly again, manage my finances a little better, and get to bed at a decent time to be up the next day, then I think I can move on. Then again, there’s poison in forcing myself from doing the things I really want to do unless I do something as a pre-requisite – I’ve been learning that a lot lately; if there’s no natural connection between the pre-requisite and the thing I want to do, I may be delaying my own progress for no reason.

Speaking of which, I need to buy some Blu-Ray discs. I’ve had both players for ages and haven’t wanted any Blu-Ray movies yet. Maybe Planet Earth and Avatar. (and now that I look, I can get them together in a combo deal!) Any suggestions?

In other news, let’s get back to me needing a vacation. Maybe go back to New York City. Maybe find somewhere else more spa-ey or retreat-like where I can go get a massage or sit in a jacuzzi tub or somewhere that I can go to get away from the world – somewhere far enough away that the office won’t call my cell phone because someone wants to know how to handle an issue I’m not working on, somewhere I can actually turn my phone off and not worry about the calls I’m missing (okay, I have some work angst right now, I think. Maybe some time off would be a good idea) or something else going on behind the scenes that I need to pay attention to.

Alternatively I can just stay at home and spend the money I would have spent buying myself an iPad, making myself a couple of really nice meals, and soaking in the tub!

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