i’m all right, i’m all right

Posted on Friday 14 May 2010

sense :: smell // lavender incense
sakuras in spring

Saying this past week was stressful would be a colossal understatement. I admit there’s a lot of frustration going on at the office, but I can’t tell right now whether it’s legitimate or I just haven’t had time to decompress and get away from the office since the last big project wrapped up and everything else rolled on. The real problem is that I just don’t feel like I can take some time off without being called or other things at the office falling apart because I’m not there to manage them. I’ll have to talk it over with my boss – I really do think I’ll feel better about things if I’m not around for people to rely on for a week or so.

Which I think is the real core of my frustration: someday I’d love to work somewhere (and I’ve never worked in this place, so I don’t think it’s a matter of my current employer) where tasks are given to the people whose job it is to complete them, instead of the people who can be trusted to complete them. An environment contrary to this leads to people who really have little to do feeling stressed because they simply don’t know how to do their jobs, and the people who have tons to do being burnt out because they’re forced to do their own job and pick up the slack for the people who just think they’re busy. It’s a constant frustration of mine, one I know I’ve vented about before. It sucks being the “go to” guy for just about everything because you’re the only one people trust to give them the information they need or get them where they need to go.

The other thing naturally is that even though I’ve managed to not falter on it, the way the day job has been going it’s really cut into the amount of attention I want to spend not just freelancing but keeping up and keeping the creative juices flowing on my own projects. I find myself spending so much time at the office rehashing old processes and instructing people in how to do things that they know how to do but choose to ignore as long as they have someone else to ask that it keeps the creative tap shut.

It’s never been clearer to me that the enemy of creative energy is the repetition of the rote and mundane, especially to people who have no desire to turn on their own creative juices. Surround yourself with creative people with their own passions and you’ll inspire your own. Surround yourself with people who only want things from you or want you to do their work for them and have no passion at all and you’ll find your own well starting to go dry. I think I need more inspiration, whether I stumble on people with passion or I can force myself to find it in the mundane.

In other, more happy news, I’m finally ending my decades-long trend of missing my local wine festival, especially since I live so ridiculously close to it now. I already picked up tickets and hopefully will attend tomorrow – I’m less interested by the live music as I’m thrilled by the opportunity to taste wine from 33 different wineries in the area and maybe check out some craft booths. Should be fun – one vendor even sells bonsai; I might get a replacement for the bonsai I accidentally killed all those years ago (that I’m still bummed about). My current happy little plant could use some company.

I’ve also been meaning to do some spring cleaning of my own, as I think I mentioned last week – I’ve done a little, but I really want to get a nice big pile of junk going and then call a removal company to come and take the crap out of the apartment (since some of it is already too heavy for me to move on my own) and away forever.

While I know the goal of spring cleaning is to decrease the amount of stuff you have (and don’t get me worng, the net benefit will be a decrease in stuff) I’ve also really been jonesing for an iPad. To the point where I had a dream about one earlier in the week – that’s how bad it was. I’ve also been looking curiously at a new Core i7-based Macbook Pro, and then finally having the laptop/backup laptop arrangement I’ve been meaning to have for a while, where my current laptop has a backup somewhere that I can pick up if I have a problem or need to travel and my primary laptop is out of commission or busy.

It doesn’t hurt that I have an i7 in my desktop and love it, really love the high-resolution screen on the new Macbook pros, and kinda want a glossy screen and the new unibody design. Still, I have a little work I want to do on the finances before I really jump at a purchase like that. Although I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold off the tide.

Anyway, maybe a little food will stave off this mini-funk. I really want to shake it off and enjoy the weekend – and especially all of the wine tomorrow.

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