Monday 12 November 2001 // 1255 EST

Seeing: Tapestries hung from walls

Hearing: Ultraviolet -- Heaven(James Holden's Ariane Dub)

Touching: Memories of a day gone by

Tasting: Beef brisket, baked potatoes, broccoli and butter spears, and pumpkin pie for dessert...


I need to spin. I need to get better at it. It's been a while since I really had something I wanted to be really good at, something I could try and work at and do better at and the like, and I think spinning is it right now...some far off goal that would be a decent challenge to me. Anyway, maybe when I wrangle up some funds, I'll eventually wind up buying myself some turntables and playing with them. Who knows. I have plenty of records, my problem lies in the the people I spin for and the people I hang out with...not many people in this crappy little "inner sanctum" that I know oh so well like trance, and personally I think it's beautiful radio show doesn't even do the music justice because I don't have all the tracks I would love to have, to be honest. But all in all, I love the music and the people I hang out with don't really like the music I like...I dig on drum n' bass and jungle, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the kids I hang out with are only into that kind of music, that's aiight, cause at least those kids are respectful to the kind of music that I like. To tell the truth, the kids who are the real pains in the asses are the technosnots-the people who are by far the most elitist about the kind of music that they like and endorse...I mean, it's so hard hanging out with some of the kids that I do or the kids that I see in the Electronic Dance Music Club and at the same time know that the whole time they're hating what I do, hating what I love, and have no qualms about making me feel horrible about it. Some people tell me to pass it off because they're just joking, they don't mean it, and it's not a big deal, but to be honest, you don't have to be a child to understand that even making fun of someone over and over again draws on their energy, it wears them down and makes them feel bad. Personally, I don't need it.

I need a place I can go and people I can talk to who like what I do, or at least where I won't be judged on what I like and don't like. Honestly. Friday, for example, the party down at Phil and Camille and Ilya's place was fun in a lot of respects, but in all honesty was kind of a bust. The level of fun was consistent and all for a long time but it had some significant drops that made it a pain in the ass. Between half the people I wanted to associate with being in Kholes and other random inter-personal crap happening, I don't think it was that lovely an evening, if you catch my drift. Maybe I just didn't have enough to drink. That and in the end I wound up in a kind of miffed atmosphere with Katie, which is never good, considering she's getting more and more into the EDMC circle...that's what I get for taking her to a party one night, heh. No, no, it's not like that, I'm not sorry. But I digress-I want an atmosphere where I can spin and do what I want, listen to what I want, and talk about it with people who can appreciate it without blanketly trying to make me feel horrible about it. I'm tired of it, I really am.

Anyway. In a lot of respects, the party would have been a lot better if I hadn't wound up talking to this 16 year old and 17 year old kid's mom about why her sons ran out of the house, turned off their cellphones, and didn't plan on coming home until the early morning hours-and on top of it all didn't tell their parents where they were of the kids is a volunteer down at Metatrack and so the parents called Juliette(aka Zelda) to find out if she knew anything...Juliette, being a responsible person thank god, told the parents that their kids probably came down to the party that I was at, and told them that it was a college party and they probably didn't want their kids there...she said, and I completely agree, that it's not really a place for a 16 or 17 year old kid...I mean, I could see them hanging out and having a good time, but there's no real reason for them to have been half drunk and rolling their asses off...that's another story. But anyway, I talked to their mom, calmly and respectfully, and she seemed really cool about the whole thing. Worked out nicely. Between that and me not having nearly enough beer that night, it was kind of a downer. oh well.

Saturday I made it a blockbuster night. I had heard on the radio that Blockbuster was doing a veteran's day weekend thingy where you get 3 movies and a popcorn for like 10 bucks, so I ran up to blockbuster over here in Dobbin Center to grab some movies and take them over to Katie's place, where we were gonna chill out and watch them. I punked out to some Girl Scouts. They were set up in front of the door, inches away from it, it seemed. I was so completely scared of them accosting me on the way in and so amused at my own cowardice of something so insignificant that I turned my car around and resolved to go to the blockbuster up by Katie. We had talked briefly the night before about the events at the party, and she suggested we chill a bit on Saturday and watch some movies. I rented Memento, Exit Wounds, Blow, and Antitrust, the first three of which we watched. Memento was everything everyone said it would be and so much more. I seriously haven't been that engaged by a movie in a really long time, and I absolutely loved it. I mean it was such an awesome movie that I can't even explain to you...the whole movie is backwards, but it's so ridiculously well done that you don't even notice...the hamster was very tired and the wheel very hot by the time that movie was finished. It was amazing. Blow was really good, really well done, but very sad...based on a true story...never thought I'd feel so horrible for a drug dealer, but I think the horrible part of the whole ordeal was that he was just trying to get by, just trying to get out and put his life back together when things started to go downhill for him. I really hope his daughter's visited him... Exit Wounds was your typical explosions + gunfire + martial arts + action = good movie kind of deal. I rented it for no other reason than the explosion and death and action value. It was actually really well done in a lot of ways, although I had a hard time developing a coherent and stable plotline in it, but eh, that's not what I wanted. I wanted guns and explosions and fighting, and I got all of those things. Now I really wanna see The One. Antitrust is supposed to be a really good movie, and I'm really looking forward to seeing it, whenever I get to...which hopefully will be before Thursday, since that's when the movies are due back.

I went over to Katie's place and she cooked me dinner. Okay, you might not really understand the significance of this, but when I dated her back in the day she had a hard time cooking anything that didn't have four steps, the last of which had better be "let stand for 5 minutes" or something along those lines. She cooked dinner, guys...that's..whoa. And made a pie. Like, a big, really well made dinner...I'm not cokplaining, mind you, I was more than pleasently surprised...but coming from her that's one hell of a gesture, and I was very kind of made everything that had happened the night before melt away, and I think that was part of the point. Thanks hon, that means a lot to me. Oh, and by the way, if you ever get a chance to try Katie's pumpkin it.

Speaking of food, right now I'd kill for some chinese food.
Hanging out with Katie and having her help me out with apartment hunting(she picked up some apartment stuff for the northern end of the Baltimore/Washington corridor) reminded me that sometimes, regardless of what you've been through with people and what you think of them, or what they think of you, that sometimes they'll always be good friends and always be there for you...thanks a lot Katie, you really were there for me, and I appreciate it.
I have tons of apartment shopping stuff for everywhere north of Columbia now, which makes me happy-I'm kind of looking at places in that area, there are some pretty cheap places a little ways north of here. But all in all it depends on where I'm going to be werking....that's another thing entirely. At least I'm making headway in the apartment hunting part of things.

I have a lot of schoolwerk to do tonight, to tell the truth....I brough some of it to werk today hoping I might be able to take a stab at it and go see Antitrust tonight, but I don't know if that's going to werk out. I'll get some of that werk done as soon as I'm done with this. But I have to look for jobs and start perfecting my resume, making it a little prettier. All in all, I think this will go well for me, I just need to not worry about it so much. It's been an interesting past few weeks, what with me having to worry about things like places to live, places to werk, cars to drive, and the like. I'm having a hard enough time getting through my schoolwerk.

Even through all of that, some people are being a pain in my ass and other people have blown me off entirely...but to tell the truth, those are the last things on my mind right now. I swear, some people's kids. Anyway, I'm gonna see if I can convince my parents to get Chinese food tonight.

In other news, I saw the best thing on the way to werk today...a tour bus driving along Paint Branch drive with the message board in the front(you know, the one that usually says what city the destination is)displaying in big green letters "LOST." The bus was full of people too.

That made my morning.