Friday 20 April 2001 // 1654 EST
Seeing: The left side of the bed-the right side is occupied
Hearing: Tori Amos(Y Kant Tori Read?) -- Floating City
Touching: A fuzzy blue fleece blanket
Tasting: Spinach Pizza? From the dining hall?
This week was awful, it was so busy..I started off on Monday feeling horrible, sick to my stomach and my calves still ached, so I didn't go to class on Monday, then Tuesday I was just plain lazy, I think, I overslept one of my classes and was so pissed I didn't go to the next one, and then Wednesday I had to prepare for a powerpoint presentation and talk that I was scheduled to give in my lab that afternoon at 1PM, so I missed my first class to make photocopies and put things together and put the finishing touches on my presentation, ::giggle:: get this: "Backscattering and the Compton Effect in a NaI detector crystal with respect to Nuclear Physics and Gamma Ray Spectroscopy." Yup. It was impressive, it actually didn't go as badly as I thought it would. The bad thing was that it was wednesday, and I had two labs to finish by Friday, or at least Thursday night so I could turn them in on Friday...so there it was, Wednesday, and it had already been a long fucking week and I didn't want to do anything else...so I went into lab early on Thursday before class to try and take data, I did half of what I had to do before my first class, and just as my first class was starting, I realized that the etremely complicated experimental setup for my second lab(the one I had to setup, take data, and analyze all in one day) hadn't been left together like I had hoped(if it had, I could have just pushed some buttons and taken data, been done with it), so I started to put it together sloppily(I didn't know what I was doing), and just then, at about 1230, one of the other guys in the lab offered to walk me through every single step of the entire experiment. He did that while I had data running on my other lab in the other room(my radioactive stuff...mmmyummy), and somehow, some way, I managed to finish taking data before I had to leave for the walkthrough of the venue for the EDMC tent....I took my data, I saved it, and I went to the walkthrough, hoping I could analyze at home...so I skipped my first class for the greater good. I had planned on leaving the walkthrough early to get to my second class, but the walkthrough got complicated and drawn out, so that didn't happen..I went home to analyze my data and realized I needed software that was in the physics building, so I had to go back to the physics building and stay there until about 10PM to finish that, then I came home and finished the writeups until about 5AM. But I was done, thank god..two labs, 3 units, all in a matter of days.
So I'm better now. It's friday, I'm tired as hell and want to take a little nap after work, but at least I'll have that opportunity...Plastic Bohemia rocked out today with our mad old skool set, and we managed to put together a really good show..tim stuck around, even ran home to pick up some phat CDs, and everything worked out nicely..now, I have a half-hour left at work, then I can go home and crash for a few hours before Leia picks me up to take me home so I can see my beloved...
It's been amazing lately...a part of my spirituality that had been lying dormant, only occasionally tickled by flights of fancy and daydreams, good books and interesting experiences, music that makes me want to fly and stimulating situartions...that part of me that's always yearning to come out, yearning to express itself...it's finally awakening in some respects, a powerful spirituality inside me that's difficult to explain. And it feels better, safer, expressing myself when I know that someone understands. Maybe I'm not completely crazy...maybe there is something to me that I'm not completely aware of.
Every day has been an adventure, I've been sleeping, waking, trying to get a good night's rest but relax and play video games and whatnot at the same time...I don't think I've really touched the playstation or the dreamcast down the hall in a really long time, and it's actually kind of sad, since I miss sitting for hours and playing silly video games that made me so happy...the trend all started with Elemental Gearbolt, I think. :) But anyway, I tend to placate myself by playing Counterstrike on my own computer, or maybe a round of Quake III arena...something to pass the time, hell, I'll even play shattered galaxy if I have to.
But in a matter of hours I get to see my beloved, and that's all that matters to me right now..ironically enough it's strange to see this much devotion, this much love, this much passion and this much pur emotion from one person...I'm not used to it, ironically enough. I've been so mired in people who are more concerned with what they can get from me and people who have been more concerned with robbing me of energy, sapping me, people who have been cruel, manipulative, that hearing the things she says, seeing the look in her eyes, knowing that she sleeps more soundly and more deeply when she's sleeping next to me...all of those things are refreshing to me, they're different and they're surprising to me, and I revel in them...
It's been a long time since I've been frightened almost to love someone as much as they love me, but she makes it so easy..she loves me, and I love her, and when we kiss it's magical, it's like time stops just for us and nothing happens around us...it's like the only thing in the univserse that matters is the warmth of our lips pressed together...and I fall for her all over again. She's defensive and possessive, and I like it, because I don't know what it's like to hold someone who would fight some unknown force to keep you in their arms...I don't know what it's like to be held by someone who feels that way...It's refreshing to be kissed by someone who slips in little comments about how much they love you AND slips in comments about how badly they want to get you in bed as often as one as the other...it's refreshing to be loved this way....it's been a long time, and in many regards, I don't think anyone's ever really felt like this for me...
But I can't say too much because I love her the same way, I would protect her and I would stand with her, I love her with all of me, and it's really something amazing when it happens to you...but alas, I'm getting way too gushy for my own good, and I don't really know where I'm headed...
But I think I needed to say something. Sometimes it's cathartic to update your website with something happy.