Monday 25 November 2002 // 1525 EST

Seeing: Love Hina

Hearing: people typing all around me

Touching: The OLD keyboard to my work computer

Tasting:Iceland Peak spring water


Okay, I was tired of just not updating, I suppose I'll keep it up, although I'm probably going to pull most of this down in a few days, considering half of it is about to go offline. I'm losing my astronomy account, as well as it's associated webspace, so a few of the sections that were hosted there will be going up in smoke. I'm probably going to use the opportunity to pull everything non-essential down for a bit and retool everything, make a new design, something I like a little bit better but has some of the old elements in it that I love so much, and then slap it back up when I'm good and ready to reveal it to the world. Don't know when that'll be though, you know how I get with website redesigns, it can take me years to get to where I want to be. This time I specifically want to do something beautiful and attractive and I want to design it on paper and then find out what I have to do to make it appear that way when you punch in I'll probably be switching to my email addresses also, by the way, so you might wanna update your addressbooks when I get that information out there. For the time being, use whatever you have for me. I promise I'll get the email and get back to you.

Aside from all of that, everything has been at the very worst, tolerable. Last week was pretty crappy to say the least, but at least I have my health and it's a new week and I can't really complain about that-I woke up this morning and I have that alone to be grateful for, if not so much else. So I won't bitch and moan about the things gone by, just trust that they are taken care of and in good hands, and I specifically took a little time out of my workday today to bitch some people out and make sure I get my way with the things that are important to me. I've gotten surprisingly better at that actually, calling up banks and providers and people who in general have my money and are doing something with it in order to make themselves moeny, and I'm gonna bitch and moan and complain to them until they get off their asses and make me happy. I mean, I don't like to chew someone's ear off just for doing their job, so I don't-I ask for their manager-someone who's paid more to listen to the customer's bitch and then go home cursing their lower-middle class life. Just like me, cept without the cursing and all that. I wonder where the poverty line really is-I'm not LOWER-middle class, am I?

::goes to look up where the poverty line is::

hmm. According to this the poverty line for one person is about 8 grand a year. I guess I'm doing pretty good then. Anyways, aside from all of that I'm looking to do some other exciting things about now...I've been working out semi-regularly(yeah, I slacked a bit because I got sick and whatnot, and now I'm not quite as strong and limber as I was), but I still want to get around to spinning more often and working on the mac that I moved downstairs into my room. It's nice where it is, right next to the door, but I do need to take some time with it and catch up with my finances in Quicken; but then again, I have to admit that this is all going to be relatively temporary until I can get my hands on a new iBook, hopefully tricked out with all the goodies. I just have to save my money for a few months and I'll have it all taken care of.

Aside from that, I'd like to move my turntables into my room, but I don't really have space for them, and while the guys have been doing a much better job about keeping the doors locked in the house, I'm still kind of worried because I know they're not nearly as responsible about that kind of thing as I am-I mean, they forgot that yesterday was a trash night until I reminded them, and it had been floating in and out of my mind all night long-I was tempted to just not say anything altogether...I'm not planning on going home tonight, and I know rob tossed the trash can and recycling bin in the back room rather than the back yard, because he's lazy...yeah well. To some degree I want to move into my own place, somewhere I have my own space and my own room to wiggle around, someplace I can actually keep clean and not have to worry about roommates. I suppose I just wasn't meant to have roommates. I mean, I can see myself living with someone I love, but I was so happy living in a room by myself for so long I suppose I'm spoiled. No matter, I'll have it again soon enough, I'm planning on saving up enough money to move out of the house and someplace closer to College Park, or at least a little closer to the center of the Baltimore/Washington corridor, to try and cut my commute down a bit, regardless of which direction I'm going. As it is now, I'm essentially driving from Baltimore to Washington, and while the commute isn't HELL, it could certainly be a bit shorter. Or maybe I should go to bed earlier. Either way.

So I think I should take a little time and work out what I want my website to look like; might do that when I'm finished here. I'm supposed to work out tonight, but I don't know if I'm really feeling it; I probably will anyways, but eh...I know I won't get to on Wednesday or Friday, since I'll be in pennsylvania; I don't know what I'm gonna do. Maybe some light pushups and whatnot on the bedroom floor. That reminds me, I should take some pillows with me, my bed there only has one.

I'll probably be taking the G4 Powerbook home with me, might take the router also, that way I'll have a machine that I can get stuff done on and carry around the house at the same time. It'll be a good excuse to work on my certification training courses and at the same time write up my proposal for work, and maybe even get started on a business plan for the consulting agency I want to start. So much to do, so little time, eh? I don't really mind, I like the feeling of being self-made-busy. I like being able to do a lot of things because I want to, I like having things on my plate and projects to work on because I want to work on them and not because I have something hanging over my head. I like having the time to do things that I feel enrich myself and not because someone wants me to do it to enrich them...makes me happy.

Things had been getting pretty rough for a while, I was starting to get bogged down in the nonsense, in the stupidity, in the stuff I didn't want to deal with, I was letting my feelings get to me and I was letting things bother me that shouldn't have bothered me, and it was starting to really eat at me...but I'm feeling better now. I mean, a couple of random encounters, some kind words from people who love me, and a little self-introspection and I feel a bit better...realizing there's so much positivity out there that it's no use feeling the negative, that there's so much love to waste time and energy feeling the anger and the sadness, and that those things will come in time, there's no need to bring them down on myself when I don't have to. And I went downstairs, spun a little drank a white russian, ate some ice cream, and smiled a lot. I was happy, and I let it all go. What happens happens, and it happens for a reason.

It's a really old theory-or addage, however you choose to look at it-that everything you've ever done, every person you've ever met, every place you've ever been, all adds up to leave you right where you are that this instant in time, at thie very moment, and I like to believe's a sobering reminder that we have to take hold of life and we have to shake it every once in a while, we have to hold it close to us and feel it's heart beating with ours, we have to be afraid of it sometimes to really appreciate it, and we have to remember to appreciate it, remember to cherish it, and remember to live every moment and not to put anything off. It's a lesson I have trouble reminding myself sometimes, especially when I'm feeling lazy and people want me to come play with them.

Anyways, I'm still working behind the scenes, let me know what's on your mind.