that feeling in your stomach

30 June 2003

You know, that feeling that not everything is right but there isn't too much you can do about it at this stage? Yeah, I've become all to familiar with that feeling. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't think there's some strange impending doom or anything, I think everything is okay, I think everything is going fine, I just hate that no matter what you do you know, you just know, that someone out there is working to make it all for naught, whether they be someone on high who has no idea who you are, or someone on low who thinks you're some kind of threat or is scared that you know just a little too much to be dangerous. I suppose that's what my roadmap is for. Bush has a roadmap for peace in the middle east, I have a roadmap for personal success, and it's about time I took the next couple of steps in it and laid it out more plainly for the coming weeks and steps. Hopefully some of that will include going to IT conferences and expos and expanding my horizons, starting grad school and everything, and getting back to the gym. We shall see, we shall see. It might help me some, like it usually does, to get all of those thoughts and plans out on paper or at least in some kind of written, tangible form so I can see them in front of me, like they're goals that I can cross off on a page when I feel I've completed them. I've already taken huge strides towards some of the things I've wanted to do lately, and I really think that I can keep going sucessfully. I know, I know, it sounds like I'm bragging, but really, this is me saying "you know what? i'm happy and i'm doing the things it takes to make me happy." Which is kind of a new concept for me, since I often spend so much time concerned about things that either don't make me happy or don't pertain to me at all. In the meantime, I think it's a wonderful thing to enrich your own life a little bit every day, no matter what you do with your time. I guess that's the moral of the story.

In other news, I went out with Vee a couple of nights ago to grab a drink, which was probably the most fun I've had in a while-I mean, I don't know anyone else who could do Ikea in a half-hour and still come out with stuff to buy and a list to go back for later(her and me, don't worry, I saw plenty I wish I could have bought right then, but I didn't because I didn't want to carry it to my car), and sick or no, I'm really glad she wanted to hang out. We'll have to do that again, which probably means I should call or email her. Duh. [ /me puts that on the to-do list ] It's kind of indicative of the things I've been feeling lately; that there are so many beautiful nights and so many sunny days, and I spend far too many of them either alone or inside, and while that's not really true it still FEELS like it, and that's more important. I should make more of an effort to get out and not to let the crowd at home, my computer, and my bed rule my existance. On that note, when I get home from werk tonight I think I'll lay down a set at my turntables. It'll be refreshing-I always feel really good about myself when I spin.

So many things to do, so few hours in the day, huh? Ah well. With that being said, I should probably make a point to do some more reading at the same time as I'm doing other things...I did want to have some of my more important certifications out of the way by the end of the summer, and I've only got about 8 weeks left before the end of August and the beginning of Graduate School. Yikes. Things sure do happen quickly; at least I don't have to actually GO to school, since most of my classes will be online. Somewhere in there I'd like to make it to New York City to hit the Macworld Creative Expo and maybe to the Philly area to visit my dear Raevyn. While I'm road tripping, if there's anyone else who'd like a visit, let me know, huh? I'd be happy to pay a visit, maybe bring you a bottle of wine to warm the place.

Now then, let's get to work. I have plenty to do before I'm famous.