Monday 15 April 2002 // 1310 EDT

Seeing: sunlight filtering through black tapestries

Hearing: Tekara -- Breathe In You(Lost Tribe Remix)

Touching: New tires

Tasting: Last night's barbeque!


The following is a message I sent to Osirus, my list, just a few moments ago. While it's not all there is to this entry, it sums up a lot of what's on my mind lately...but may not be the newest of topics.

it's not the same world you thought it's not the same as it used to be.

my dad told me that you have to be careful who you take your advice from...that if you take dear to heart the words of someone who has gone nowhere and done nothing in their lives, someone who isn't happy, someone who isn't anywhere near where they want to be, or at least hasn't found some kind of solace or wisdom in their lives, then you only ensure that you yourself will go nowhere, do nothing, be no one. Be careful who your role models are, children...don't let anyone tell you that you have to back off, back away, odn't let anyone tell you you're something you're not.

there's admittedly a culture of victimization in our society, no doubt...anyone hear about this chick?

you might have to copy/paste that. Here's the rundown: this chick is suing the makers of "Pirate's Booty" for about 50 mil because it has more fat than it said it did, and she wants the money for mental anguish and emotional stress. yeah. I agree that the company needs to be punished for misrepresenting itself, and perhaps she deserves a little something for the deception, say a lifetime membership to a health club or something, but that should be that.

which brings me to my next point. Blaming the victim. It's so easy to tell someone who has been hurt or put down that it's their's so easyto walk over them and believe that it's their own fault...some will complain about the culture of victimization in our society as being so horrible, and look down on those who have been victimized, tortured, their lives ripped apart, and one has to ask why.

ironically enough, the reasoning is simple, and the mind behind it tends to be even simpler-people want to avoid responsibility. They don't want to take responsibility for their own actions, for hurting people, for making them feel bad, for taking away their livelihoods, for doing irreparable damage to their lives. They don't want responsibility, because with that responsibility comes a measure of shame and guilt...things that we cannot face in our day to day lives..things we cannot bear even if we had to. Coming to terms with our actions makes us feel bad about what we've done, and we can't have makes us ashamed that we could treat someone so horribly or take part in we blame the true victim and move on, because we envy the victim's position-we envy the support, we envy the strength required to get up and move on and be better than they were before, we envy the ability to rebound with stronger resolve than ever before....those who would inflict can only watch as their subject attempts to regain their strength and move past them, or worse strike back, and they envy that very ability, if not the help they get along the way.

see, it's simple. Those who inflict pain and suffering tend to do it alone. They tend to do it for their own reasons, for their own means, to their own ends. Those who resist, those who come back, they tend to it themselves also, but they have the suppport of those around them who know that an injustice has been done, those who sympathize, those who understand...and that kind of strength is something that the villain will never have and always want.

I like to think I'm on my way somewhere. Doing something good with my life, making something happen. I like to think that the people I love are doing the same thing. I like to think I'm not walking on anyone in the process. I like to think that those who have walked on me will suffer the effects of their own karma, some kind of poetic justice, some kind of divine wrath-I like to think that things will all work out in the end.

and with that I put a smile on my face and I move on, and I think of the great things I have left to do, and the great things that I'm doing.

but then again, who am I to give you advice?

This isn't a new topic, I think I hit on it a little way back here, and a bit more on one of my Osirus posts. If you didn't understand before, I think you do now.

In other news, things are looking up-I'm spinning this friday at the Student Union: in the seating area next to McDonalds, from 8pm-930pm, if I recall correctly...the little gig is being advertised as a pre-buzz gettogether and everything, so it should be fun, come out, have some fries, and listen to some phat beats, it'll be fun. No word on the EDMC re-takeover of the Edge nightclub in DC, but hopefully that'll come around soon...I don't really mind though, because the longer we wait to do it, the more practice I can manage to get, heh.

In the meantime, last night's tag with Larry went really well, I think it was really good practice, and at the same time the constant training with Dave helps a lot too. I'm doing better at physics, and after the re-grade I got a C on my exam, so I'm doing much better in that class than I think I was a while ago, so I'm not complaining too much to be perfectly honest. So things are definitely looking up. I might have to ask my rents for the money to buy my tables with(the other half, that is), so I can get them, and just pay my parents the difference. I'm not particularly thrilled with losing my position at OIT because of the cutbacks and the fact that they don't want student employees anymore, but eh-we'll see what happens. Someone called just on friday wanting to set up an interview with me, so we'll see what happens there.

Hmm. In that case, I'm going to need a way to make money after I'm laid off, least it'll give me time to focus on my studies and graduation and everything. Oh well. Take the good news with the bad, I suppose. The downside is that no one will want to hire me for like, a month...I don't really know what I'm going to do, but we'll see. Maybe I can convince my parents to shovel me some money, but I really doubt it. Who knows.

Oh well, only thing now to do is look for more work and save as much money as I can aside from my turntables, of course. We'll see how things pan out. I have some options to call when I'm ready for a new job, and we'll see what I can turn up. Time to lift the rocks and see what's underneath.